A PSA from a Grocery Store Worker
03/24/20
Grocery Store Tales, Covidiot Edition:
WARNING: contains swears and anger.
Your local grocery store is a hot zone of bacteria, viruses, and fucking idiots. Everyday there are 500-5000 customers in a single store, depending on the size of the store. Your store probably gets 1500 people everyday. Employees know we will come in contact with people that are infected with COVID-19 and we would prefer not to die. We also know that people, especially kids, can be infectious without showing any symptoms.
Don't stand in the aisles chatting with your neighbors about how bored your crotch goblins are, or really anything. Get your shit and get out. Chat in the parking lot.
Don't bring the whole fucking family. One person per family. Make a goddamn list at home where little Karen can throw her bullshit tantrum about not getting s’mores pop-tarts without infecting employees.
Don't come everyday. Learn to plan for a week of meals and cleaning, it's a skill that you will use often, since there are a lot of twatwaffles not taking this seriously.
Don't ask if we have more in the back. Decades of slim margins has ensured that every store is ordering truck to shelf. The only thing in the backroom is some salad dressing from 2017 no one wants.
Don't touch every apple/tomato/avocado. They all come out of the same box, there is no magic fruit. All you are doing is spreading your cooties, asshole.
Stay at least 6 fucking feet away from employees, we can hear you from even 8 or 10 feet away. We don't want to be close to you, you’re not that interesting.
Don't come in if you are sick and leaking from the nose or coughing, even if you put a scarf over your face. It's not protecting us from anything other than identifying you as Typhoid Mary, after a bunch of people get sick.
Do leave your crotch goblins at home. You shouldn't need their input to decide which apple to buy. Be a fucking adult.
Do respect other people's space. Be fucking considerate.
Do use the wipes and hand sanitizer available. They are free, free stuff is awesome.
Do insist that the grocery industry pay better wages and offer better healthcare. Most of the workers in your store make less than $15/hr and get no benefits. They will cover the two weeks of quarantine only if an employee tests positive. They know it is nearly impossible to get tested unless you have severe symptoms. This means that the people in your grocery store, touching your food can't afford to miss work if they feel sick. I can guarantee you that right now there are employees somewhere in the country, working right now, that have COVID-19 and are spreading it, because they can't afford not to.
The grocery store is not your opportunity to socialize, or entertain your kids, and I would really rather not die choking on the liquid in my lungs, hooked up to a respirator because you're a mother fucking idiot.
Illustration by Alex Kirsch